Lin Collette
Lin Collette
I formally came out as someone with mental illness on April 9, 2009, via a rambling, hysterical phone call to a co-worker. My supervisors referred me for an evaluation at Butler Hospital, where I was diagnosed as Bipolar II. Upon discharge I thought, as did others, that I was “fixed.” As usual, I was ignoring the symptoms of depression and psychosis that I’d been hiding for decades.
Over the next year, there were occasions when my symptoms re-appeared but I thought, “Lin’s fixed, she’s fine.” However, I was steadily moving closer to the edge. I was experiencing frequent memory lapses, reading difficulties, and inability to follow directions. In April 2010, I was given a final warning concerning my work performance that prompted an eruption of my symptoms. I was admitted to Butler Hospital as an inpatient, out of fears for my safety. Upon discharge, memory lapses and sheer stubbornness caused me to be erratic in taking my medications. My friends knew something was seriously wrong but, as usual, I lied my way through it, until I finally broke.
I had a plan of sorts and was trying to figure out how best to kill myself without inconveniencing others. It was at that point I realized I needed help. I stayed at Butler Hospital for nine days. This time it was for real. I was serious. I could no longer live a lie.
Since then, I have been attempting to rebuild my life. I’ve found a new apartment. I have a new diagnosis—schizoaffective disorder with OCD features—that I think is the correct one. I have widened my social circle.
Harbor House has been an important part of my rebuilding program. Its gentle approach to integrating people back into the workforce is a good way to increase my self-confidence that was shattered by losing my job. The Harbor House staff and members are amazingly supportive of my efforts. It is important for me to stay “out” as a person with a chronic disease—mental illness—and join the fight to eradicate the stigma that surrounds it. And it is equally important for me to stay involved with Harbor House—no matter how difficult it may be sometimes to come in on my scheduled days.
I’m not at all sure where I’m headed. For the first time in a long while, I am hopeful.
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